ARGYLLE

Odds are you will not see a more stupid, derivative, tiresome and plainly bad movie this year than Argylle, which has to be right up there with the worst possible ways to spend 200 million.

For some time now director Matthew Vaughn has been lazily riffing on the same stories and visuals, and with Argylle it becomes clear that he is at present merely capable of making a grating parody of his own so-called style.

Reciting the plot of the film would be moot. Not only is Argylle just a random combination of over-the-top scenes looking for a good spy story, what little plot there is, is so needlessly convoluted you give up caring before the movie has even properly started.

So, where to begin with everything else that is spectacularly missing the mark? The one-liners perhaps, who are among the most atrociously unfunny I have ever heard in a major motion picture. Or a colourful smoke-and-guns ballet, which is self-indulgent to the point of pompous-assness.

On top of that nearly every single cast member gives their most phoned-in performance in decades, the incessant visual effects are an eyesore and the big finale relies entirely on ridiculous contrivances and silly dei-ex-machina.

And if all of the above is not enough to warn you that Argylle is to be avoided at all costs, be aware that many of the famous faces in the trailer have considerably less screen-time then you might expect, giving you yet another reason to skip this trip to your local cinema.

release: 2024

director: Matthew Vaughn

starring: Bryce Dallas Howard, Sam Rockwell, Henry Cavill, Bryan Cranston