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The G.I. Joe movies were always not much more than violent cartoons, but Snake Eyes is not just bad and bland, it is inept on just about every level.

It would be foolish to expect a movie made with the primary purpose of selling G.I. Joe toys to be anything more than a quick cash grab. But is it that much to ask that the film is at least competently made? Snake Eyes, which explores the equally bland and convoluted backstory of one of the franchise's most popular characters, certainly isn't.

Not only does the plot go to places that not a single movie should ever visit, like a story strand about ancient, truth-smelling anacondas, the action on display is amateurishly shot by director Robert Schwenke and the main antagonist is even more cartoonish than the ones used in the previous G.I. Joe movies.

In the anaemic lead role Henry Golding's normal charms are completely stripped away, while the rest of the cast looks as though they got their lines and their cues mere seconds before cameras started rolling.

At least there is one silver lining: Snake Eyes' abysmal box office performance should prevent a sequel from emerging anytime soon.

release: 2021

director: Robert Schwenke

starring: Henry Golding, Andrew Koji, Karuke Abe, Takehiro Hira


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